“Pansexuality, or omnisexuality, is the sexual, romantic or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity”
It’s been a while, I know and I am sorry.
I started this blog almost one year ago. I started this blog because I didn’t want to feel alone, I started it with the courage of my two friends but expected to have a load of followers and always be interacting so I wouldn’t feel alone. Looking back on it, I shouldn’t have started this when I did because everything that I posted was sad and fake. So for that I am sorry. I realize that hardly anyone reads this but I’ve come to terms that it doesn’t matter who reads this. One of the reasons I started this was because I wanted too and to avoid actual things happening.
Last year was probably one of my worst years as a whole. I faced a lot of challenges such as ‘how to cope?’ ‘fear’ ‘loneliness’ so I was in a bad place, one of the worst I’ve ever been.
Then I got some professional help. I had some results back, failed results and met some interesting people and left some people. I also went to college, new building, new people and some people I can’t imagine not being friends with now.
That pretty much brings us to now, it’s 2018. It’s a new year, that means a new start. I’m crap at resolutions so I didn’t make one, I like to pick up things as I go along in life. As of late, lots of things have happened in my life.
- Mental Health Issues
It’s only currently the third month and I am already starting to hate this year but it hasn’t even begun! I turned 18! First thing I thought of was ‘I can vote and legally drink!’ That’s right, I am a fully legal adult in all cases and I went out and got drunk for my birthday – looking bad, wasn’t a bad idea except I can’t really remember much, I just had bruises among bruises everywhere. Such fun!
I also have mocks and resits that I desperately need to work on but I just physically and mentally cannot find the effort or motivation to even pick up a book. Then a good friend of mine told me these words “Don’t let it control you, your education is the only thing that you have total control over.” These are words that I will now forever live by because they are TRUE words. I will pass these words on to anyone who reads this and is struggling with any issues.
Self discovery is something that everyone goes through. Sometimes, even multiple times. You get that ‘calling’ for your dream job, I’ve about 13 probably in the last month. I have discovered that I don’t want a regular, mundane 9 to 5 job. I’ve done too many of those days in school already, I as of currently want to either be a counselor to change or help someone’s life. Or to change the world in some weird way – I want to start my own charity, I want to travel world and make like really cool diary entries and make fun picture books of my hopeful travel ideas. But for right now, I am settling for my little weird notes saved and pictures of my amazing friends and the ugly snapchats saved to my phone.
One of the important things that people discover about themselves is sexuality. Now I am highly supportive of all types of sexuality but when I started questioning my own around 8 months ago, I got very scared. I got scared because this hadn’t happened to me before. Now my mother, siblings and friends are not homophobic in the slightest. In fact two of my closest friends are gay/bisexual and my sister is a loud and proud lesbian. But after I came to the realization that I was actually in fact a PANSEXUAL human being. I was terrified to tell them, I thought ‘oh drop into casual conversation’ as I did with my friend Risha who then proceeded to tell me that she already knew and that I had nothing to be afraid of. As did all my other friends, they were all so supportive and unlike anything that I though it’d be. With my other LGBT+ friend Iwan, I tried to slip it in as casual as possible by just stating, I’m pansexual in the middle of the conversation to which I had a reply of ‘Welcome to the club’ I am currently happy with the amount of people who I’ve told and a more people are going to find out from reading this. I’m going to insert a definition so I don’t get messages about it asking what is it.
As of future events, I am currently obsessing over the film ‘Pride’ (2014) and going as far as to drag my friend who has never seen the film to a location where it was filmed. I am always in a casual state of worry so I have a feeling not much is going to change there but I also want to help myself realize that it’s okay to be the way I am because I have issues of accepting the way I am. But I know I have a great bunch of friends, who have constantly had to reassure me(sorry guys!) that I am wanted around and actually liked by them. Which I am! Yay me!
Thanks for actually reading this far!
Places to find me
Twitter – @WordsOfTerri00
Instagram – @terrileigh2000/@wordsofterri
Tumblr – @weakmoon-stuff
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